within a dream

They are not long, the weeping and the laughter,

Love and desire and hate:

I think they have no portion in us after

We pass the gate.

They are not long, the days of wine and roses;

Out of a misty dream

Our path emerges for a while, then closes

Within a dream.

an omen: now and what has yet to come

A brief candle; both ends burning

An endless mile; a bus wheel turning

A friend to share the lonesome times

A handshake and a sip of wine

So say it loud and let it ring

We are all a part of everything

The future, present and the past

Fly on proud bird

You're free at last.

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this entry shall be dedicated to Cherish Yew, a classmate, a friend and someone loved...

she'll leave for the USA soon...

-

yesterday was her last day in school, and somehow, despite knowing the date of her departure from singapore some time ago, it was unreal... until that ring of the bell at 12.45pm and the knowledge that she'll never be coming to this class again. that last hug, just appeared at my doorstep...

-

...: it seems like yesterday when she first came into class, late as usual but by a few days this time, the image of her sitting beside Gen with her arms folded and that curious face of her's sizing up her new surroundings. that first handshake, and introductions...

-

she gamely went through P.E. yesterday as i asked her to... never once complaining, despite the grilling we went through... she finished the day her usual style, relaxed.

-

...: the first outing at dome, and the next few gatherings... her characteristic calls at the last minute to inform us that she's not coming, as "somthing came up". haha! despite this and other things like being late and her regular disappearences, we all still love her like crazy.

-

its the first time i dreaded the school bell to the weekend.

hope you enjoy it there? and our hearts will be there when you need it the most... when scared, take comfort that we're still here...

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When a friend calls to me from the road

And slows his horse to a meaning walk,

I don't stand still and look around

On all the hills I haven't hoed,

And shout from where I am,

What is it?

No, not as there is a time to talk.

I thrust my hoe in the mellow ground,

Blade-end up and five feet tall,

And plod: I go up to the stone wall

For a friendly visit.

person: timothy

location: home

a prejudice

Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.

thinking: to me, prejudice and descriminations come easy...
how can i have underestimated a person so much that i totally put what was said to be totally opposite to what is or should have been done? how can i totally think that the person is wrong in every aspect? twice... not just once.

a feeling of superiority? prehaps, but maybe its becoz i'm inferior...
being crucified for a view is never nice, but being crucified without knowing for what for... that different and infinitely worse...
the shell is strength, the way to acceptance was conformity... now, i hope to put this behind.
maybe now i know why i fall behind, despite being one that was there in the beginning.

i've become him.
a counsellor but never the counselled. devoid of reaction, lacking in self scrutinity.
it is so easy for me to discard and clean the slate, but i can never find out whats wrong with the equation. sidenote: maybe thats why i suck in maths... but i digress.

i'm sorry for those i've left behind. i pity those i carried forward. and me, i've created something wrong, an opportunist and someone alot worse.

self-preservation made me blame others, i didnt see myself... there i go, blaming something else again.

i will continue from here again, i have to be critical about myself now... before i build again.

location: home, on the damn desktop.
person: timothy

a rainy day

"...adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them."

rainy days, it has a connection... refreshes and sooths...
somehow, i just love rainy days at home...

person: timothy
location: home, watching Pirates of the Caribbean

a crumb

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chilest land
And on the strangest sea,
Yet never in extremity
It asked a crumb of me.

person: timothy
location: home

departure

its all coming back now, my insecurities, the troubles, the memories and the events...

somehow i'm reluctant. contact now seems like a hassle and irritation, you won't understand, no one will... except prehaps... one. this will pass i'm sure, but its the now thats the problem, and it'll be back. that i'm sure. something a person said today shocked me, for a split second it showed, and it was caught, a friend. i think i need a break, i think i need to sleep or maybe......

you know, someone once said. "it takes a person with great power to be able to give it all up and show vulnerability." but how about... *a question better left unsaid.

i suppose, its back to the toil again. i'm done.
*once again i'm faced with partings. must you go?

person: timothy
location: home, in bed

a first time

wa.... my 1st blogging.... SeeMs so weird n funny to mi... kan lai wo xie hua wen hui hao yi dian... bu ran wo xie ang moh de hua hui hen hao xiao...suo yi hai shi xie hua ue ge ywen hao ba.... team lost zi jing yi jing you si ge yue duo le.... hao xiang hen kan xin... dan shi wo men de qi qi luo luo jiu hao xiang shi yi dian gu shi... dao le xian zai zhi sheng xia 6 ge ren le... ta ma de.... write so much hypy i oso dulan... actually i the hokkien most pro in team lost form liao... and can be counteed the most bad temper?? in the team liao lol.... actually i'm oso veri friendly de lo.... today all camping everywhere ard spore.... onli timmy felix n me now in kap... aiya... mi now veri moody oso no form to write much except all these fei hua down here la... ok liao finish here....

^.^ pui zai cute cute.... ^.^

person: weikoon
location: King Albert Park, Macdonalds

the ending

life! hard enough, just got worse. and the point of it all? our goals? and what does it mean in the end?

today, there was the damn physics paper. cherish! you're brilliant, totally finished in record time, how can you pass? gen and vic! you 2 shouldnt worry, you 2 put in your best. i believe.

TLF went to KAP today after the papers, but first we met stephanie, kaiman, andy and felicia at the market (good droppings place). you know? with felix, stephanie and kaiman, its impossible to study silently or even study at all.

i constantly see exaustion in the eyes of friends, is this what life has come to? we grow older, yet remain young, we mature but pine for childhood...

something random: open you with welcome arms?

Just ask the question come untie the knot
Say you won't care, say you won't care
Retrace the steps as if we forgot
Say you won't care, say you won't care
Try to avoid it (try to avoid it) but there's not a doubt
There's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing about.

you know my friend, maybe she's scared? maybe she's unsure? you have the answer, just that you're eyes are not open.

person: timothy
location: home, watching CSI

the craziness within

it has been written, people are crazy... even the most normal person in the world has a side that would shock another. sometimes i have the feeling that evolution has not cleared out the brutal and selfish animal instincts in us. man is the only creature in the entire world who can kill his own kind for the "fun" of it...

now just to bring all up to speed! during the absence of the ORIGINAL AUTHORS of this blog, we celebrated victoria's and gen's birthdays... good times and fun in excess and the common embaressing moments in life. this isnt a narrative, so i shall not go into details. (still trying to find a writing style)

something serious, exams tomorrow... *such a kill-joy*

some say we are responsible for those we love
others know we are responsible for those who love us- Nikki Giovanni, "The December of My Springs"

when you really want love you will find it waiting for you. -Oscar Wilde, "De Profundis"

seeing how you all are having so much problems now... i decided to look through some books, and i found these verses. hope it helps. =)

person: timothy
location: home sweet home

a new beginning

OKAY! now checking the last post was like in APRIL...

so now! i decided to put my brilliant writing skills to the test, and since you all darlings want me to create my own blog...

let me see... our group has gone through soem dramatic retrenchments and now our size is barely a shadow of its former self... but the noise is still kinda like the usual! LOUD!

i think i'll stop here now...... enough for now.

location: kovan macdonalds
person: timothy
song: deserts eating oceans, daphne loves derby